My epiphany

I just deleted everything I blogged the other day because I realized that all I was doing was finding excuses for being fat.  I was justifying it in my mind.  I was complaining (whining) about how hard it is to lose weight and keep it off.  I had so, so many excuses!  It is but that's not the point. 


I had an epiphany. 


I need to stop whining.


I need to stop making excuses.


If I don't like something about my life, I need to man the fuck up and change it!


This applies to much more than going on a diet. 


I realized that all of my excuses and complaints about how hard it is, were getting in the way of my actually doing anything about the very thing I was unhappy about.  My excuses and complaints are obstacles to my moving forward in a positive direction. 


It has to stop! 


Time to man the fuck up and deal!!


This is why I write.  It helps things crystalize in my brain and every now and then a light bulb turns on. 

Day 17

I notched my belt in tighter and it's comfortable!  I'm making a little progress!!  It feels really good :)  It'll feel better when even more comes off.  YAY ME!! 


On my way to a slimmer self!

Day 12

The hardest part about dieting is saying “No” to myself all the time. 

Wednesday night I had my last Diet Mountain Dew.  I’m trying to go on in life without that delicious nectar of the Gods.  I’m going to miss it!  It’s soooo bad for me tho so I really need to say “No” to it and move on to healthier options.

Right now I have a caffeine withdrawal headache going on.  I hope it doesn’t take too long to pass but it could.  I’ve been using caffeine as a daily staple in my diet for many years now so it could take some time for my system to clear.

Yesterday, day one of NO DIET DEW future, we had an employee appreciation luncheon at work.  I walked in the room and saw a 2 ltr of Diet Dew sitting there.  Today Angie admitted she’d gotten that because she knew I drank it and it’d get drunk.  Well, it won’t be drunk by me.  L  I had 2 tacos for lunch.  I did not have pop.  I did not have a cookie for dessert.  I said “No”.

Today is Friday, AKA donut day at this place.  I allow myself my Friday donut.  It’s one of the things that bring me joy in life!  Plus Penelope ate the last of my Belvita cookies.  I need to get more of those. 

Then at lunch today, I put my lunch in the microwave and looked at the display of donuts, chocolates, leftover candy bars from this whole employee appreciation thing they’ve been doing all week (I’ve gotten candy every day – I’ve also eaten it – I lack self control).  I picked up a Mounds bar and put it on my napkin.  I read the news while my food heated.  I got everything together to take back to my desk but I finally paused.  I put the Mounds bar back.  I couldn’t!  My diet is working despite my not behaving strictly to the code!  I love that my weight is going down.  Much as I want that Mounds bar, it’s not worth stalling my weight reduction.  It’s happening and I felt good about that this morning when I got on the scale. 

I finally have something happening to help offset my feelings of deprivation.  They are there and will be but now I wear my belt tighter and it’s comfortable.  Now my scale # is decreasing.  My clothes feel a bit looser.  It’s been hard won.  I can’t stop now!

Day 4

It's 9 AM and I'm suffering.  I'm soooo hungry!!


It's a real mental battle to not eat right now.  I'm making steady progress with weight loss.  I've lost 3.2 lbs since I started Monday.  That's really fast but since at first it's supposed to be water weight I'm not sure if I should be concerned.


Maybe I should go chug a glass of water to fill up?


I've been reading about 1,200 calorie diets.  Last night I decided to change my upper limit to 1,250 to guarantee that I eat more than 1,200 calories per day.  Going under that is not healthy from what I've read.  Or not recommended.  The past few days (except yesterday) I ate less than 1,200.  Yesterday I ate 1,237.  Better.


I'm seriously considering the Seattle Sutton meal plans.  Thing is it's really too expensive and Lacey has taken over my freezer so if it's frozen food I won't have any place to put it all.  I may have to insist that she take some food back home and start bringing daily lunches instead of stocking my freezer with lunches for Penelope.


Doing it for just one week might help?  I'm tired of being hungry!


Thing is, if I can just stick to this my stomach will shrink and feel satisfied with less.  It's not a comfortable thing getting to that point.  I've done it before and didn't like it then either.  But it can be done!


I will splurge now and then.  Like tomorrow is donut day.  Every Friday is donut day at work.  I'm going to have my donut and I'm not going to track it.  I'll make sure the rest of the day is in the 1,250 realm and have the donut as an extra.  One donut will not derail my diet and it'll be nice to not be hungry tomorrow AM. 


I just have to hang on until then! 

Day Three

So far so good! 




I've basically cut one meal out of my daily routine (breakfast).  Easier to split 1,200 calories between 2 meals with a chance of feeling sated than between 3. 




Since Monday I've been eating just under 1,200 calories/day.  I've been losing weight steadily.  I know, I know, it's water weight that comes off first, but whatever it is, I'll take it!  I'm making better progress with this than other diets in the past while. 


I've also cut back on Diet Mountain Dew.  I've been doing that for a couple weeks now.  I have one 12 oz can in the morning and that's it.  I've been worried about how it could be tricking my body into making extra insulin.  I saw an article on that a while back and it has worried me since.  I need to stop having it daily but haven't gotten there yet.  I'm cutting a lot out of my life right now so I need time to adjust before I do more.


Eating out is off the table.


Cake, candy, pie, etc. are off the table.


Being sated is off the table.


No more breakfast. 


What I get in the meantime is this...


I'm losing weight.


My energy is low so I'm taking it pretty easy at the moment tho today I haven't felt weak at all like I did the past couple days.


I'm reminding myself that I'm tough enough to do this.  I'm tough enough to stay hungry most of the time, and tired and woozy sometimes, and keep doing this until I get this weight off. 


FUCK YEAH!!!  I ROCK!!!

Day One

I'm suffering a bit right now and can't even have wine to make myself feel better.  Well I could but it would use up too many of my few remaining available calories.

I decided to get serious and cut my calories to around 1,200/day.  I really hope this works!

I got this calorie level from Seattle Sutton's diet plan.  They have a 1,200 calorie/day plan.  Wish I could afford it!  Looks pretty tasty!  But it would cost me over $500/month for food and I just can't do that.

So I'm winging it on my own.  I have my little calorie counter app.  I have my treadmill, which I did despite feeling all tired and out of caloric energy.  Now if I can just maintain self control?  That's never been my strong point.

Since I'm feeling a bit faint (I'm being a drama queen - I just feel hungry but it's my blog and I can say what I want to) so I'm going to close this entry.

Yay to me!  Day one is almost over!

Know what I'm doing?  Watching baking on Food Network.  Yeah...I have a sickness.

Feel sorry for me...

it's tragic isn't it?